There is a principle that I came across that would be emulated by all of us: “Before we speak or write anything about another person we must always ask ourselves two questions—is it kind and is it true? And if the answer to the first is no, then the second no longer matters; our ethical imperative demands silence.
In fact according to Jewish law, compassion dictates that they hide the truth from the clinically condemned sufferer, even if they have to lie when the patient asks whether they are optimistic about his or her fate.
One of the sins of the tongue that we Christians fall into most easily is gossip. So what is gossip? It is sharing negative information about another person, organization, group of people or entity whether true or false when either the speaker or the hearers are not directly involved in resolving an issue.
It often masquerades itself as concern and quite honestly most gossip occurs when we know we are doing it. Nowdays social media makes it so easy to send a message that everyone has to be taught to restrain their urge to communicate.
Gossip has caused more wars, broken up more homes, destroyed families, severed friendships, ruined more businesses, split more churches, divided more teams and destroyed more lives than anything else throughout human history. Countless have lost faith in so called believers and religion and children’s lives have been forever altered by the devastation of gossip.
Telling a person with the purpose of hurting another’s reputation or credibility is but wanting to punish him. When you tell me what someone did to me, you want me to think less of him/her and trapping me to attempt taking revenge-which is usurping God’s authority.
Case Study of Forgiveness
Recently a relative told me another close relative gossiped about me and never wanted anything to do with me or answer my phones. This hurt me and my reaction caused me to sin, and this is precisely what the enemy wanted.
I would have agreed with them because there will always be a little bit of truth in what a critic will say to or about us. The person wasn’t an enemy, but still I had to forgive her. What is an enemy? This is a person who would say something about you so as to call your credibility into question.
They would rejoice at your downfall or lack of success because they would feel vindicated. Remember even your close relatives or friends for different reasons can become your enemy, although they would not always admit to the word hate.
I’ve had to forgive them because they no longer needed me as they once did and they felt a need to distance themselves from me because of various reasons or even financial needs.
I remember speaking to a friend who told me close friends, relatives and fellow Christians distanced themselves from him and erected barriers when he lost his job. They were afraid that his ‘curses’ will affect them. These things hurt and you have to remember that such people are not your enemies and you shouldn’t make them look bad.
Chances are those people might be going through a rough time and they also need help. Remember, nobody can be effective in life without the support and knowledge of another person, regardless of what status that person holds in society. People are just people. Their financial, racial, ethnic, or worldly status in life doesn’t make them better or worse than anyone else on this planet.
Although our society honours wealth, power, attractiveness, and success above godly wisdom, the godly wisdom that comes from a poor man is a far greater asset than all the riches of this world. Solomon writes:
Here is another bit of wisdom that has impressed me as I have watched the way our world works. There was a small town with only a few people, and a great king came with his army and besieged it. A poor, wise man knew how to save the town, and so it was rescued. But afterward no one thought to thank him. So even though wisdom is better than strength, those who are wise will be despised if they are poor. What they say will not be appreciated for long. Better to hear the quiet words of a wise person than the shouts of a foolish king (Ecclesiastes 9:13-17 NLT).
What if someone gossips or criticizes you or doesn’t even want to communicate to you anymore? What should be the response? First, maintain a sweet spirit. The Bible says a gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stirs anger (Proverbs 15:1). Second, never defend yourself or try to impress on others how good or right you are; and never seek revenge with your response. Never get even. Never make them look bad.
Of course there is a reason for this. Sometimes it is absolutely right to warn a person about someone. For example, John the apostle, who had so much to say about loving one another, warned about a trouble maker in the church (3 John 9-10).
Paul had to report that Demas forsook him because he loved the things of this world. Alexander the coppersmith did him great wrongs, but Paul added: The Lord will pay him back for his actions. Others who had deserted him, he said, ‘May it not be held against them’ (2 Tim. 4:9-10).
The Consequences of an Untamed Tongue
In Romans 1:29-30 Paul lists some of the consequences of man’s turning away from God. Here is part of the list: They are fully of envy, murder, strife, deceit, and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful.
The very fact that gossip appears in this list is significant. Some of the heart attitudes related to with gossip are strife, deceit and malice. Gossips are classified with people who are slanderers, God haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful. The danger of this kind of talk is brought out by James as earthly, soulish, and demonic (James 3:15).
Christians who permit themselves to gossip about others-especially fellow Christians are directly disobedient to God’s Word and are slipping from the ‘earthly’ to the ‘soulish’, and then from the ‘soulish’ to the’ demonic.’ That is how powerful the tongue is.
It defiles the whole body and the believer who is guilty of gossiping actually defiles himself/herself and that part of the Body of Christ to which he is related. Worse still, if others may speak or gossip against us, it produces or causes physical pain that the enemy uses to attack us.
The tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell (James 3:5-6).
The tongue causes a fire, a passionate desire that, when disconnected from the Spirit, is designed to consume and to destroy. It is the fire of the dragon. It is the forest fire that destroyed homes in California. It causes riots in cities, shows up in news reports as fake news, it consumes careers, it ends marriages, it divides ministries, and it leads to clinical depression, suicidal thoughts, and double homicides.
Do you find yourself being burned or burning others in relationships again and again? Keep your tongue (your actions and your words) in check! According to James 1:26, “If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.”
The consequences of an untamed tongue is self-deception—you may be convincing yourself to a course of actions that God never intended and inviting physical, emotional, and spiritual consequences that you don’t want.
According to James 3, a person who can control his or her tongue is perfect, able to keep everything else in check. I submit to you that it is time for you to grow into a different kind of love. Paul teaches us that,
When the complete and perfect (total) comes, the incomplete and imperfect will vanish away (become antiquated, void, and superseded).When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; now that I have become a man, I am done with childish ways and have put them aside. (1 Corinthians 13:10-11 AMP).
Truth to be told, there are too many of us playing with fire. We must grow in our knowledge of God and His love in order to grow into loving relationships, without the hurt, anger, and disappointment that we have experienced and caused for others.
If you grow up, the love and relationships you enter and build will begin to grow as well. When you know the perfect love of the Father, the immature, immoral love of this world becomes less and less appealing.
